Life seems more stressful today than ever. Technology and gadgets that were supposed to make life easier have only made it faster. Whilst the advent of social media, 24-hour news cycles and globalisation have opened up new worlds, they’ve also amplified negative news stories, not to mention the modern phenomenon of FOMO (fear of missing out.)
A concerning statistic released by the World Health Organisation predicts that by 2020, five of the top 10 medical problems worldwide will be stress related. In the workplace, underlying stress is evident in high rates of absenteeism, high staff turnover, poor time-keeping, bullying and low levels of motivation.
The motivational speaker Tony Robbins refers to stress as the achiever word for suffering. Somehow we will tolerate stress, we see it as just part of life, but no one wants to suffer. To paraphrase the US writer and speaker Brené Brown ‘when did stress become a status symbol?’
Stress is a symptom the root cause is not feeling in control. Deep down we know that we cannot control everything (though perfectionists often try!) but we can control our response to the uncontrollable. If we have the freedom to choose our response, then in theory at least, we can choose an alternative to stress, or at least try a different response strategy.
3 practical ways to manage stress
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Better Internal Dialogue
Our thinking, what we are focusing on, determines our feelings and in turn our feelings determine our behaviour. If we are feeling stressed, it’s not created by an external event, but by our thinking about that event, the meaning we are placing on it.
We all run movies in our heads called ‘worst case scenario,’ or ‘how the world is against me.’ When we are in fight or flight mode, the brain is over-active and trying to quieten it is like standing at the bottom of a hill with a car hurtling towards you. You have to slow the car first. Phrases such as – ‘this too will pass,’ ‘I’ve dealt with worse before,’ ‘what can I learn from this,’ or ‘let me focus on what is within my control,’ serve as a handbrake on a mind that is careering out of control.
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Breathe
I’ve come to realise that when my breathing is high and fast, not only am I stressed, frustrated or worried, my thinking is fear-based, frequently focused on what others are doing (or not doing.) Lack of worthiness, insecurity, doubt are all synonymous with shallow breathing.
Paradoxically, deeper, more purposeful breathing both relaxes you and at the same time makes you more alert because your blood is oxygenated. Conscious breathing brings your attention out of a busy mind and into your body. It also brings your focus from regurgitating the past, or worrying about the future and into the present moment, the only place you can take action.
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Accept that your expectations will not always match reality
Everyone is different. We know this is true, but so much stress arises because we get frustrated when other people don’t behave as we would like them to, or don’t share our world view. What’s important to you may be irrelevant to someone else. People will do what people will do and leopards don’t change their spots. If we argue with reality, the way things are, we will always loose. That doesn’t mean we don’t try to influence others or instigate change, but we have to meet people where they are (reality) not how we wish they were.
If you are reaching for your potential, endeavouring to live your best life, pushing your comfort zone or setting personal goals, you will encounter stressful situations (and people.) It’s a symptom of growing pains. How we learn to manage our stress is a skill we often learn the hard way, when our health begins to scream ‘pay attention.’ The above strategies serve as a relief valve, and when the symptoms of stress are eased, the logical, rational, wiser mind can spring into action.
James Sweetman is the author of five books, a motivational speaker, coach, trainer & columnist. www.jamessweetman.com
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